Posts

On the Chaos

I was raised in an orderly household. Courtesy of which, is my low tolerance of messy things. Made me a bit of a snob. Things left around the house, not putting things back in their proper place after use, and not cleaning up after oneself are a few of the annoyances sure to put me in a sour mood. Order and chaos are like yin and yang. One can't exist without the other, and one has no meaning without the other. I have come to terms with the fact that no matter how hard I try, I will have to learn to coexist with some amount of chaos in my life. No matter how much my skin crawls. One way to lower the amount of skin crawling is the undeniable fact that chaos represents life. No one will mess up the order of your things when there is no one around you to mess them up. When I find something messed up, the immediate reaction is still a frown. But in that exact moment, I try to think that this mess means that someone's been here. That life exists in my home even when I'm not ther...
Post a Comment
Read more

On Watching, Wishing and Coming Back

 I don’t know if it's a common experience, watching fictional characters and comparing their life to your own. See everything that they have and you only wish you had, making you feel outright bad. But you continue watching anyway, cause you need some sort of escape. Maybe we find a way to live thorugh them, however briefly may it be. We get bored with our lives and seek change, even if only imaginary. Its only natural. The human mind is astonishing in its ability to adapt. And when it adapts, the most extraordinary of circumstances can become mundane. Does the comparison make you feel bad? Thinking about how your circumstances could be different if only things in your life had transpired differently. Does that feeling linger? Long after youve turned off the TV. Maybe it does maybe it doesn't. Maybe its just me. I'm anxiety prone. Little things can make me feel bad, but I try to not stay in that place for long. You have to make do with what you have. You can seek escape. B...
4 comments
Read more

On Overthinking, Anxiety and Maturity

Overthinking has always been my go-to mechanism. It turns into sleep-depriving anxiety every now and then. I've always been like this. I remember I used to have crippling anxiety towards a particular subject when I was in 6th grade. For the life of me, I couldn't wrap my head around it and the fear of not getting it right would cause me to cry in the dark on the roof of our house. I was 11. But I'm grateful for that. Grateful that I've had those experiences so early on. It's kinda like I got a head start on the emotional journey of life. A lot of people have told me that I sound 10 years older than I actually am. I've been through experiences that are uncommon for the society I inhabit. A combination of those and an innate personality is responsible for my seemingly early maturity. Though, when people say that they rarely mean it as a compliment. Most people don't actually want to be around mature people, as they're deemed boring at times. Too mature for...
Post a Comment
Read more